Even if it lasts forever, death will put a full stop to it.
I have always thought, nothing last forever
But you gave me a different kind of direction to think,
You made me think, some things do last forever until I bring it to the graveyard with me.
Although we have ended everything beautiful between us, there will be things that will last forever.
Memories shall remain in my heart, and of course, feelings.
These few months, I've learned,I've cried,I've suffered, most importantly, I've never been this awake before.
Hate to admit this but you cross my mind every day, every minute , every second.
People say first love will remain as an unforgettable memory
I'd say, what it left is not just only memories but also feelings.
I can't imagine doing all the same thing over again with someone I am willing to give my heart to in the future.
I am having phobia, I guess.
I never want anyone to hurt me anymore, and also, I never want to hurt anyone too.
I poured so much of effort and love into this relationship that doesn't bloom,
I'm quite exhausted?
I'm so tired and sad every day having to suffer from flashbacks that kept coming into my mind.
I do love you a lot, and I still do.
"You were more precious than me" ..
I've fallen so deep into you and I hate myself from doing this.
But I will hate myself even more if I let myself fall in love with a guy in a hopeless relationship
I've hate every single bit of thing you did to me past few months,
What kept me going on is, your eyes,your voice,your heart and your soul.
It's so precious to me ...
Even though your eyes were not looking at me,
I will always find an excuse for you just to comfort myself,
I tell myself,
Because I'm unattractive, you are probably tired of me ,
That's why your eyes fails to fall on me..
Even when your voice is in a vacuum,
I'd tell myself,
Maybe you're an introvert,you don't have much to say or I'm just boring enough or annoying enough to not deserve to hear your voice
Your heart,
If it belongs to me,
I pledge .. I will keep your heart pumping
And your cells healthy
But,
Your soul isn't mine..
If it was mine,
Your eyes will look at me only, your voice will be heard even if I don't feel like talking,your heart will belong to me
Sometimes,I try to convince myself,
Maybe you're not that type that expresses well.
Till the extend, I was taken for granted,
I will still keep calm and tell myself that everything will work out fine if I never stop showing my effort.
As time passes by,
You kept taking me for granted ,
You don't put in efforts anymore
You were too comfortable with me
Even when I can't see the truth that you still love me, I still hold on.
Everyone has flaws,you and me have flaws.
I was able to accept every flaws of you,
I can forget and forgive every shit things you do to me
But you can't do the same for me.
This is the most disappointed thing I found in you.
Finally,you gave the final blow.
You went to that trip.
The worst thing in you ,I had discovered it.
You don't seem to care even if I was totally mad at you
.....I spoilt you a lot didn't i?
My heart completely broke and you have no idea,
I can still feel it breaking now and the taste of saltiness ....
I was so..so..so near in forgiving but you failed.
You failed to have the responsibility of a boyfriend,expecting your girlfriend to eat up your responsibility for you?
My mind lead to one answer, you don't have feelings for me anymore that's why you don't care.
Don't say you cared
I know the answer not because I act smart, it's because you showed it too obviously.
I was thinking,
If I was chosen for NS,will you still go to the trip? Even when you come back,all it left was 1 day and you were all exhausted ...will you still want to meet me?
Of course you will because you paid for it already,it's not your money it's your dad's. Fine.
Even if you want to meet me, you still have to ask the permission of my tears to meet you.
You know, I'd not go for the trip if it's me..... You must be thinking, I am just talking but I won't do it
But I will. Even if I paid,I won't if you tell me to.
I will endure my dad's bad temper and tell him, I will pay him back when I start earning money...
I will work for part time in holidays to pay him back right away
But too bad, the thinking wasn't in you , but was in me.
Don't say I didn't tried to fix,I did ,since the day one we were together.
If there was anything I am unhappy to you, I will always tell you
But you won't change,you turned worse
That means it's a goodbye
The reason why I post this, is to end this stupid blog once and for all.
Bye us, bye everyone
